Friday, December 23, 2011

An Unexpected Song

When the doctors said, "Well, because she is young we will do everything we can. . ."

I knew that their professional optimism didn't stretch far at all.
Knowing. That the only way to breathe steady each moment was my surrender to His wisdom.
That I must trust my dreams, my people, and my heart to His keeping.

For whatever divine reason - He chose to give another breath. And then I breathed the daffodills and earthscents of spring. Watching the wildflowers blend into the green grace of summer. There were months of prayer, choosing to trust and deep heart searching. Coming to realize I have no right to the priveledge of life over any other person. Life is Gift.

Every moment is pure grace. Each small detail is extravegance.

He gave the gift of attending my cousins wedding in July, completing chemo in August, and visiting dear heart family across the eastern states in Semptember. I have been gifted with crimson leaves, tangerine skies, and the shadows of angels. Completing the circle of seasons all the way to the cheery Christmas lights, the caroling, and contemplative joy.

He has graced me with cancer.

Now, I more fully comprehend His love. In the lives of those I love, I have touched the fulfillment of years of prayers. My trust in God is growing organic. The values of my heart are rooting deep and sure. Where I have lost physical strength I have gained a rugged confidence in His care.

And honestly, I wouldn't trade it in for anything.

Yes it has been hard. I have cried freely, stumbled hard and wondered if I could even try again... But all things taken into account - This has been the best year of my life so far!

"The Father's presence encircled Christ, and
nothing befell Him but that which infinite love permitted for the blessing of the world.
Here was His source of comfort, and it is for us.
He who is imbued with the Spirit of Christ abides in Christ.
The blow that is aimed at him falls upon the Saviour, who surrounds him with His presence.
Whatever comes to him comes from Christ.
He has no need to resist evil, for Christ is his defense. Nothing can touch him except by our Lord's permission, and "all things" that are permitted "work together for good to them that love God."
~ Thoughts from the Mount of Blessing

Like an unexpected song.
An unexpected song - that is only just beginning. . .


Cindy said...

God has, indeed, made you into a beautiful song - with some unexpected verses, perhaps - but with a melody so exquisit it causes people to be in awe of His power and grace! Sing on!

Sean Nebblett said...

Moved. So much to be thankful for...

shama said...

I am so thankful for you, Caitlin! I'm also thankful that God sees us worthy enough of His workmanship to give us trials.

Christen said...

You are beautiful, Caitlin. God ever uses you to strengthen my faith and love. Thank you for letting Him use you and work through you.

Caitlin said...

I think that the only good in my life is His grace in my (our) broken places.

The Calm of His Presence said...

Stopping by from Multitudes on Mondays. Thank you for this blessing...

Kristin said...

Thank you for the reminder of His blessings. Even when they come in the guise of hardship and trial. Love you Caitlin.

CynthiaJSwenson said...

It's amazing how God brings such beauty from sufferings.Your praise & trust bring Him glory.I don't pretend to understand it but it speaks to me of the cross & Jesus.I also have some fresh scars & was thinking & telling my children that I wouldn't trade it for anything because God is closer than I've ever known Him & He is pure glory!Love,in Jesus,Cynthia