Saturday, May 21, 2011

Life

I am home.

Those are three wonderful words! Contented sigh . . .

It is Sabbath. And I have spent a leisurely morning reading long and slow from my bible and other inspirational selections. Soaking up the luxuries of quiet peace in my own nest. Grateful for His words and your words - all so gracious and undeserved.

To be - here.

What a grace! A gift completely over my head!

I have no legal right to exist. My life does not have to be. Nearly wasn't - Dr. Johnson said so, and all the other doctors agreed. He fully credit's the success of my medical case to prayer and the healing power of God. Miraculous.

A miracle is a beautiful reason to trust. But to trust means to be okay with not having answers, and still believing when no miracle comes. And what if I had died that cold Sabbath morning when gentle hands transferred my limp and bleeding body to the ICU bed? Would you still trust? If no miracle came?

I only know there was peace for me when the world grew fuzzy and begin to fade. A gentle surprise - for no one knows, and certainly I didn't guess, when last moments stretch what one could feel. And there was no tightness, no bitterness, no despair.

Simply surprising trust that God knew and that I could rest. One would think that the strongest trust is born of long experience but my 23 years are very short and my trust fails daily. I can not trace it's origin. And so I learn that even trust itself is a gift. A grace for the moment when needed. Always close for the receiving.

To think that God, the God of all this vastness we live in, would care - would offer me life! This wild yet tenuous adventure. . . And you, dear friend are holding the same. Do you know it? Do you breath it's fullness? Do you trust?

And when the pleaded for miracle doesn't come will we still believe? For desire contrasted in that darkness is the place of purest trust and brightest hope. A greater miracle then the prayer or the answer in and of themselves.

What does it mean to be handed life?

11 comments:

Jackie said...

These are beautiful words from a beautiful friend. Your testimony has touched me in so many ways, Caitlin. To hear how God has been working in your life is nothing short of a miracle, and I praise Him for His promises to our strength, comforter, and hope even in the midst of the most difficult circumstances. You are always in my thoughts and prayers! <3

laSonya said...

Amen. Thank you for sharing this miracle with the rest of us and thank you for the reminder of what we all have.

I hope to trust deeper and that my faith is stronger because of what He has done in you.

Christen said...

This is beautiful. I and my church friends have also been blessed by "seeing" this miracle, following lots of prayer. Thank you so much for the updates and inspirational messages that you've shared throughout. Your example has left an impact on many lives. :) Praise the Lord!

Kristin said...

May God teach me to trust more and more each day. I love you Caitlin, and I'm so glad God has chosen to continue to use you to be a blessing to many, including myself.

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace, comfort for family, protection while we sleep. We pray for healing, for prosperity. We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering. And all the while, You hear each spoken need, yet love us way too much to give us lesser things.

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops? What if Your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near? What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear. We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near. We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love, as if every promise from Your word is not enough. All the while You hear each desperate plea, and long that we'd have faith to believe.

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops? What if Your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near. What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise.

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win we know the pain reminds this heart that this is not, this is not our home.

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops? What if Your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near? What if my greatest disappointments, or the aching of this life is a revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy. What if trials of this life-- the rain, the storms, the hardest nights-- are Your mercies in disguise.

duane said...

We can surely resonate with the peace of sitting in your own "nest" on a Sabbath afternoon, reading!. We feel your PEACE and we have not been through your pain, or uncertainty. The blessings of faith and trust arrive when needed don't they.

duane and eunice bietz Portland Oregon

Lorrie said...

Bless your heart Caitlin! You have been such a witness through pain and you will have this wonderful testimony to reach people in similar experiences which you never would have had before. The Lord is so good! Still praying for you!

Jen said...

Thank you, dear friends, for your kind and encouraging words :)

Kristin: I also really like the words to that song - thanks for sharing it.

God is abundantly good!

Caitlin said...

opps, that was me (Caitlin) who wrote the above comment :)

4Hisgloryforever said...

Thank you for sharing...and for asking the hard questions. It truly is such a paradox. True belief and trust does not waver. I need Jesus' help cuz I have no faith of my own except what He gives me. Any time I let go of His hand, I find myself faithless again. Yet, He sustains us with His perfect peace.

Bill said...

Dear Caitlin, I am moved by the wonderful understanding of what Trusting-Faith is all about in your statement "A miracle is a beautiful reason to trust. But to trust means to be okay with not having answers, and still believing when no miracle comes. And what if I had died that cold Sabbath morning when gentle hands transferred my limp and bleeding body to the ICU bed? Would you still trust? If no miracle came?" I have shared this blog with all of those that I asked to pray for GOD's Grace and Will to be done. I have ceased to "coach" GOD on how HE should respond to my requests for GRACE. :>) With Hugs, Great Uncle Bill.

Cindy said...

To Caitlin's Great Uncle Bill,
Every time I read Caitlin's blog I check the comments to see if you have posted a response. Your words have been an encouragement, lending the comfort of Family during hard times - even from afar! Thank you for engaging your faith community in Caitlin's behalf. We love you!