Sunday, December 16, 2012
Then Pealed the Bells More Loud and Deep:
Friday morning driving in the car, I heard a beautiful choral arraignment of one of my favorite Christmas songs, "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day". The words have been circling through my head since and I wanted to share them with you.
Penned on Christmas Day 1864 by the American poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, this song carries a rare message of hope.
Contextually, it is important to realize that nearly every day in the year 1864 was marked in blood by the battles of the Civil War. This raging in the streets and backyards of tottering nation is a reality current generations cannot fathom. Our hearthstones have been rent by other earthquakes - but not this scale of war. We have not had our houses shattered. We have not had thousands of the bodies of our dearest strewn across our suburbs and home fields.
In the preceding years Longfellow's personal life had been devastated by the loss his dear wife to a tragic fire. He himself had been badly burned trying to rescue her from the flames. Later his son, a lieutenant in the Union army, was severely wounded and crippled in battle. These events are the roots of his questions. Questions relevant to us today.
On hearing the the belling carols mingled with the dichotomous percussion of the deathly cannons, Longfellow wrote from his heart:
(The original poem, complete with all seven stanzas)
"I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
And thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along
The unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
Till, ringing, singing on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime
A chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
Then from each black accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
And with the sound
The carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearth-stones of a continent,
And made forlorn
The households born
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
And in despair I bowed my head;
"There is no peace on earth," I said;
"For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"
Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead; nor doth he sleep!
The Wrong shall fail,
The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men!"
~ ~ ~
Dearest friends,
May the bells resound more loud and deep in your heart this Christmas.
May you know that God is not dead; nor doth He sleep!!!
May you choose the right and by His grace prevail,
May you embody peace on earth, good-will to men!
Sunday, November 4, 2012
The Alpine Heights of His Heart
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Unhindered Impression
Inside on a slip of delicate paper I found this penned gracefully in purple:
"The saint who is intimate with Jesus will never leave impressions of himself, but only the impression that Jesus is having unhindered way, because the last abyss of his nature has been satisfied by Him. The only impression left by such a life is that of the strong calm sanity that our Lord gives to those who are intimate with Him."
~ Oswald Chambers
My Utmost for His Highest - January 7
Deeply, I am challenged by reading this. For more often than not I am all hindrance instead. . .
To have every crumb and corner of myself filled with His presence.
For transparency. For Him to have unhindered way.
For these things I pray.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Choosing Joy
He explained the PET/CT results - metastasis to my lungs and multiple lymph nodes. We talked about treatment options and he printed out the information on the standard set of chemo therapy. Lots of questions.
"So with this level of metastasis how much time do you think I have?"
"6-12 months. . . it's hard to say." There were tears in his eyes.
The past couple of weeks have been a blur. I have been praying for wisdom for many complex decisions. Doing the research. Spending time with family.
The EBUS procedure to biopsy on one of the nodules in my lung was positive for cancer (The same type as last year).
The Echo was normal and showed a strong heart.
Sifting the research on clinical trials - made easier by amazing spreadsheets put together by friends.
A second opinion visit at Vanderbilt offered little new information
A trip to National Institute of Health for further insight into clinical trials.
After much prayer and thorough investigation into many options, I have decided not to pursue traditional medical treatment and have chosen instead an alternative therapy approach. Including lots of juicing and a mostly raw diet, charcoal and clay treatments, hydrotherapy, daily jogging, and lots of sun. So far energy is increasing and I feel more energetic than I have this entire year so far.
Each day God has been hugging my heart with the most beautiful blessings. Each day a journey of choosing joy.
So what is one to do when the doctor says you only have 6 months? Some would consider it a death sentence. How do you live with a deadline? If my days are numbered how shall my life count?
Some people have bucket lists to be filled up with souvenirs of experiences. But while life experiences are gifts, to make a gift a goal seems a narrow purpose. Should our focus be on pouring out rather than gathering in? Giving to others gifts of the heart. . . of eternal value?
As my friend Ann wrote;
On August 6, 2012 I remember that I wrote in my journal, "God, please teach me how to live like this. Poured out in free flowing gratitude to You."
Truly, the most ancient man has only lived a brief breath of history. And what takes our breath away - they are the moments worth counting. Moments measured in quality - not quantity.
Wealth is measured in joy. And I am the richest person on earth!
"Blessed is the Lord, who daily loads us with benefits, the God of our salvation!" Psalm 68:19
Monday, August 13, 2012
Completeness
Where drought crumbles all hope of fruitful harvest. . .
Where some would just as soon cruelly kill a life as save it. . .
Where epidemics eliminate entire populations. . .
Where orphan hearts ache. . .
Where everything is incomplete. . .
What does it mean to be complete in the middle of all of this?
Complete - Definition
- Whole - having all the necessary parts, elements or steps - or everything that is wanted
- Having reached the normal or expected end, to be fully carried out - a complete period of time
- Absolute - being the greatest degree of something, highly proficient
- Perfect - having all the necessary qualities or abilities for a certain role
- Insect metamorphosis - characterized by the pupal stage between the motile immature stages and the adult
How can a human live in completeness?
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Blessings Unfolding
Sunscreen
Dirt-covered limbs all happy
Buttercup faces smiling
His gentle voice guiding
Joy in quiet duties
Hats on the wall
Carrying rocks back from walks for flowerbed hems
The tap on the shoulder to pray - so many miles away . . .
A motorcycle wreck at 60 mph
His angel(s)
No spinal cord injuries or broken bones!
Seeing Phoebe's friendly face in the ER
That I still have my Nathan :)
Mr. and Mrs. Chickadee residing in the bluebird house
Moss-made nest with love tufts of softness inside
The tiniest chickadee egglets you ever saw!
Sun-filled windows
Orchids arching graceful
Long talks with heart friends
Sisters laughing long
Saturday, March 24, 2012
A Soliloquy on Swamp Singing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“After attempting to listen to recordings of copied and pasted nature sounds at the office while I work it is sooo nice that we can open our door and hear the real thing! We are home. I’m so happy! Listen to all of this! So natural. Peaceful. Your body resets itself as it tastes the different bird calls. If you are really far away from busy humanity - out in the woods - it is complete. The patterns and tempo of the songs contrasted with the quiet spaces when they don’t sing. Both the silence and the calls, when they are in natural sequence, are a complete circle. All these many circles of awareness.
This is true of how humans are when we are loud and quiet, comfortable and uncomfortable, and what happens when we get up and move through places. It is a version of chemistry. An organism cannot travel through a space without making ripples. You are constantly reacting and everyone around you is reacting in their spaces. There is not a complete neutrality. From microscope to telescope the cycles are still the same.
There are so many circles. Here we are sitting on the deck again. After the course of this challenging past year we are just sitting here and enjoying it. And you are not sick like you were last year! How beautiful the sound-scape is! The frog songs, and the birds are singing, and down over there is a dog. So beautiful. All these different groups are completing the circles of song and quiet, rest and work. Living centered lives - in balance even when there is a predator near.
You can never get this completeness in a nature recording online because they usually just select the high fancy notes and put them all together. It sounds stressful! Like garbled sentences - or as if the birds had ADD. Birds do have beautiful high notes in their songs, but these notes are very special because of the space around them that leads up to it. When the space around them is taken away it is like randomly selecting a few notes out of the a symphony and saying "Sing for us". They can’t. They are only a part of the song.
By removing them from their context it is hard to even hear the song again. The true beauty is lost.
It is like when people try to succeed by collecting all the pretty things in life. They are actually doing everyone a disfavor. If you see pretty things up close all the time you become calloused to true beauty. Even the beauty of something pretty - like a roomful of diamonds. The sheer quantity distracts from each gems individual beauty. But when you are looking for them in the wild it is much more joyous and precious.
The context the diamond came from is just as valuable.
To even begin to know what real beauty is we must have our perspectives calibrated by God. We can’t get lost and run after the wrong things. But to see true beauty - It’s stunning! Like the sunrises in the morning, geese flying overhead, friendships, and countless blessings! I like being outside especially in the spring when the frogs begin. It is a heart-felt praise to God.
Like the angels that always sing holy. We totally have that here!
We’re always surrounded by it if we choose to open our eyes. And the birds - singing their best songs - they are in love with God every day. They do not retain the anxiety of whether they live or die - the danger of a hostile world.
They cope with their deadly reality by singing to God and letting Him carry them. They hold peace.
Each individual frog has it's own pattern. They come and go in the chorus, but each one has a space to sing the whole length of its pattern.
Other frogs start in singing at different intervals, but they are each abandoned to the swamp and there they have the freedom to sing their fullest song.
To put their whole life into their song.
Even while they are in the swamp, singing praises to God through the mud, it swells and blesses others who may never see the swamp or them, but are blessed because they hear the praise. They hear the comforting songs with the full patterns that are soothing and nurturing.
Listen. You can hear the individual frogs and their own patterns. No one can record just a sound sampling with a microphone and understand it.
The only way you can understand it is if you go and dwell with them.
To see and feel all the nasty junk decaying in the mud of the swamp. To understand that the decaying mud is so rich with resources - that it grows abundant plant life. And the swamp has lots of water too for everyone to drink from the cleaner places. All the extra soil, plants, and moisture; it supports the frogs in an ecosystem and their song ripples out and blesses many others.
(Here the frogs suddenly stopped singing and I wondered why out loud. . .)
Maybe someone walked carelessly close by them. . . One of the main ways to prevent the songs of praise - the raw beauty and the turning of nasty things into rich mud to grow plants of strength and resources - all that can be stopped when we enter into a space with indifference, selfishness, or hurtful intentions. When we enter into that space with unkind words and unclean hearts we do not preserve the internal heartspace of worship to God wherever we are. God is not a physical temple we go and pray at. Gods temple is a continual presence. The temple is the gift of being drawn to Him to pray through every day - together Him and I.
When we allow other people to silence our songs of praise or teach us songs that are not praise, we are not fully surrendered to God.
But we can continually sing to God in our hearts. In our heartspaces He can sing a duet with us as we face the joys and hardships of life.
We need to sing for God even when we feel alone, because others listen and it can encourage them to sing for God too.
To sing. Always sing.
Through beautiful days, tempests, thunder and lighting, blazing droughts and winter snows. To always sing. And as we try to keep singing God enables our voices to continue.
To not sing is a great tragedy, not just of our ourselves but also for the entire world.
If the birds stopped singing the whole ecosystem would be at a loss. This would eventually bring down the infrastructure for animals to communicate and for people to be restored - for God to refine us.
The frogs are still singing. . . I could spend days out here. I think it could be good if we spent most of the day out here. The big things we can let go of. We need to put God first and strive continually for Him. Each voice - if it is snuffed, out even one by one, is a horrific loss. It is very important for each of us as we try to be God followers, to hold our life space and give continual permission for Him to work.
Remember - at Pentecost it wasn’t the visual effects that made any difference, but God working in each of them. Preparing them, giving them resources they needed and He carried them through. Also - thinking about the end of time: If we continually choose the presence of God and let Him teach us to draw from the deep places and learn from Him, it will be okay. It is not about the daunting trials and hardships, but that God will give us what we need. He will guard and protect our hearts.
When He covers us, and He really does, we will get through anything.
Even if we are martyred it does not diminish the biggest joy that we are going home soon! And God will take care of all the details between here and home. We can be excited because God will carry us through! He will help us to have the motivation to dig deep and study so our foundations are strong. God gives us faith and carries us through the hard places.
So go forth with a singing heart. Like the frogs in the swamp! Like the time when the army was led by a choir (2nd Chronicles ch. 20). Because it is God who does the work and not us. My responsibility is to keep Gods’ praises first more than the humanness of doing.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Holding Time
Laughing, I ask if she means "stop" instead of hold.
My sister says that she isn't ready for school to start again. Already she has spent many hours preparing lesson plans for little wiggling children and selecting the repertoire for two choirs. And Tuesday / Thursday she will have classes straight from 8 until 5! She sighs. Tired, comfortable, and crocheting steady waves of color. Beauty turned warmth.
The portobello barley soup steams in my mouth and I wonder if it is possible. . . To hold time? To scoop up a handful and savor each sip. Certainly not easier than carrying an armful of gravity or damming up light into a lake.
This dizzy world is chasing time like a carrot on a stick. Thrifting, bargaining, and even saving up for it. And some people purchase time shares. But don't we all inhabit this same shared space?
Here. . . Now.
With her crotchet hook flashing in and out. Ivan's chuckles and Daddy's voice in the other room. Succulent mushrooms and friends calling on the phone to link the distance with this moment. Beautiful and warm and held.
Perhaps we understand best what we can hold - what we can touch. Like blueberries and canoes, pine cones and puppies, and 3-D models for studying organic chemistry.
So I am choosing to learn this art of holding time. To learn to kneel and notice these gifts. And it will take a lifetime of bending I know - but I am joyous to begin! And perhaps time does pool in lakes of color - even at my kitchen sink.

Ecclesiastes 3:11
Friday, December 23, 2011
An Unexpected Song
Saturday, December 10, 2011
A Birth Certificate for Infinity

Contemplative glow. The lights warm the spiced pine cones and the branches of the tree standing at my window are heavy with fragrance. Cinnamon scents mingling with evergreen life and cedar curls spiraling down. I sit in a light circle of peace and a single candle flickers reflections.

Slowly I turn this puzzle. . .
When Infinity completed gestation. God - waiting nine months to grow fingernails and eyelashes and skin. And while our little earth spun steady around its' sun, the Son of God turned in the amniotic fluid of the tummy of a girl. A simple girl in an obscure corner of the planet that swarmed with uprisings and massacres. A small girl in a small country occupied by enemy forces and terrorized by guerrilla warfare.
Infinity entered our time. On a government enforced march in the unsanitary parking lot behind a local motel and convenience store. Birthed bloody and vulnerable just as each of us were. Divinity receiving the time stamp of our existence - a birth certificate into humanity. A Branch on a family tree. And how could human hands parent God? Protect this peace of transplanted heaven?
How could God think this mission was safe? No insurance for this venture into darkness. No assurance of success. It leaves me stilled in awe - this embryonic Love. Patiently growing until the fullness of time in both death and life. God - who is One - seeking oneness with humanity. With me. This Gift - the only way to restoration.

It was to implant this love, to make us children of one family, that the King of glory became one with us.
And when His parting words are fulfilled, "Love one another, as I have loved you",
when we love the world as He has loved it, then for us His mission is accomplished.
We are fitted for heaven; for we have heaven in our hearts."
~Desire of Ages p. 641
When these words are fulfilled. . .
This is the piece for all puzzles - the truest fulfillment of our dreams. When I love the world as He has loved it, then for me His mission is accomplished. I am fitted for heaven; for I have heaven in my heart. Simplicity most intricate!
This world can be a prickly thing to love. And I still do not love it - thick with crime and dirt, hate and indifference. Yet even my apathy contributes to darkness. No life is neutral.
But His gift internalized plants the seed of Love. Steady. Softly growing, creating grace for others. Vision of hope. Seeing each person with all the dignity as family to God.

Will I let love swell to completeness - to peace? Will I choose to love the world as He loved? Will I let the heaven fill my heart?
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Umbrella Sharing

And it brings a coziness to my heart! This year has been full of stormy weather and all you dear people have held God's umbrella over my head and walked with me through the puddles. Friday, November 18, 2011
Practical Keeping ~ Part III
I have found Isaiah to be one of the most musical books in scripture. The lyrical quality in the passages lends itself to inspiring melodies. Some of the sweetest and most soaring music ever penned by a human hand has been taken from Gods promises to His remnant people in this book. And I believe that it is because Gods very heart is found in these verses.
In the beginning chapters of Isaiah God rebukes the cruelty, dishonesty and luxurious indulgences that were rampant among the people and calls them to a life of purity and kindness. If they accepted the cleansing, He promised to restore His presence in their hearts.
When the Lord has washed away the filth of the daughters of Zion, and purged the blood of Jerusalem from her midst, by the spirit of judgment and by the spirit of burning,
Then the Lord will create above every dwelling place of Mount Zion, and above her assemblies, a cloud and smoke by day and the shining of a flaming fire by night.
For over all the glory there will be a covering. And there will be a tabernacle for shade in the daytime from the heat, for a place of refuge, and for a shelter from the storm and rain." Isaiah 4:3-6
This reference to the journey of the children of Israel through the wilderness to Canaan is important. It represents the beautiful comforting care of God for His people through out history but especially during the final great struggle between good and evil.
If I accept His cleansing He can restore His presence in my heart. In the wilderness journey of my life the covering that God creates over me is the constant assurance of His presence. Internalizing this assurance now is the key to peace then. Gods will always sustain His people.
Isaiah is rich with promises of Gods provision and sustenance. Each promise is a gift. A new color in the intricate symphony of His presence.
Promise of Jesus
"For unto us a Child is born, Unto us a Son is given; And the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace" Isaiah 9:6
Promise of Refuge
"For You have been a strength to the poor, a strength to the needy in his distress, a refuge from the storm, a shade from the heat." Isaiah 25:4
Promise of His Presence
"Fear not for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters I will be with you; and through the rivers they shall not overflow you, when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you, for I am the Lord your God." Isaiah 43:1, 2
"I will not forget you, See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; Your walls are continually before Me." Isaiah 49:16
Promise of Help
"You whom I have taken from the ends of the earth, and called from its farthest regions, and said to you, You are my servant, I have chosen you and have not cast you away: Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:9, 10
Promise of Direction
"I will bring the blind by a way they did not know; I will lead them in paths they have not known, I will make darkness light before them, and crooked places straight, these things I will do for them and not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16
Promise of Peace
"You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You because he trusts in You." Isaiah 26:3
Promise of Holy Spirit
"Then He will give the rain for your seed with which you sow the ground, and bread of the increase of the earth."
"For I will pour water on him who is thirsty, and floods on the dry ground; I will pour My Spirit on your descendants, and My blessing on your offspring." Isaiah 44:3
Promise of Life
"Your covenant with death will be annulled." Isaiah 28:18
"Thus says your Lord, the Lord and your God, Who pleads the cause of His people; See, I have taken out of your hand the cup of trembling. . . you shall no longer drink it." Isaiah 51:22
"He will swallow up death forever, and the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces; the rebuke of his people he will take away from all the earth." Isaiah 25:8
"In that day the Lord binds up the bruise of His people and heals the stroke of their wound." Isaiah 30:26
Promise of Joy
"For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name; and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth. . .
For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed, but My kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace be removed." Says the Lord who has mercy on you." Isaiah 54:5, 10
"As the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God will rejoice over you." Isaiah 62:5
May the joyful music of His presence fill your soul.
May His covering be your refuge
~ Always.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Practical Keeping ~ Part II
- To loose the bonds of wickedness
- Undo the heavy burdens
- Let the oppressed go free
- Break every yoke
- Is it not to share your bread with the hungry
- Bring to your house the poor who are cast out
- When you see the naked that you cover him and not hide yourself from your own flesh!
- Heal the brokenhearted,
- Proclaim liberty to the captives,
- Opening of the prison to those who are bound.
- Proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God;
- Comfort all those who mourn.
- Console those who mourn in Zion,
- Give them beauty for ashes
- Joy for mourning
- Praise for the spirit of heaviness.
- That they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord that He may be glorified." Isaiah 61:1-3
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Practical Keeping ~ Part I
I have long believed the importance of this intricate book in the New Testament. Life has also taught me that 'keeping' is a cornerstone of 'believing' that is too frequently overlooked. What does it mean to "keep the words of the prophecy" of Revelation? What does following God on a practical level look like? In a book with allegorical style, fantastic imagery, and such a broad historical scope it is easy to intellectualize ourselves away from the essence of the message.
Chapter 12 of Revelation uses the word remnant in verse 17 when describing a group of people whom Satan (verse 9) is enraged with and fighting against with all of his power. These people "keep the commandments of God and have the testimony of Jesus" and are caught up in the center of the great struggle between good and evil. So in seeking to better understand what it means to "keep the words of the prophecy of this book" I chose to start with the word remnant.
Because Revelation is largely a mosaic of the rest of scripture I believe that the Old Testament holds beautiful keys to understanding its message. So beginning in Isaiah working verse by verse I found three main categories of relevant verses. These either:
- Use the word remnant
- Explain the characteristics of the remnant
- Describe God's promises to the remnant.
~ Chapter 10
"And it shall come to pass in that day that the remnant of Israel, and such as have escaped of the house of Jacob, will never again depend of him who defeated them, but will depend on the Lord, the Holy One of Israel, in truth. vs. 20
The remnant will return, the remnant of Jacob, to the Mighty God. vs. 21
For though your people, O Israel, be as the sand of the sea, yet a remnant of them will return; The destruction decreed shall overflow with righteousness." vs. 22
~ Chapter 11
"It shall come to pass in that day that the Lord shall set his hand again the second time to recover the remnant of his people who are left. vs. 11
There will be a highway for the remnant of His people who will be left from Assyria, as it was for Isreal in the day that he came up from the land of Egypt." vs. 16
~ Chapter 12 (A continuation of the previous verse)
"And in that day you (the remnant) will say: "Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid; for YAH, the Lord, is my strength and my song; He has also become my salvation." Therefore with joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation." vs. 1, 2
~ Chapter 28
"In that day the Lord of hosts will be for a crown of glory and a diadem of beauty to the remnant of His people." vs. 5
~ Chapter 46
"Listen to Me, O house of Jacob, and all the remnant of Israel, who have been upheld by Me from birth, who have been carried from the womb: Even to your old age, I am He, and even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made, and I will bear; Even I will carry, and will deliver you." vs. 3, 4
In these five verses there are many beautiful lessons! Practical pictures of a life lived in trust and hope. I encourage anyone interested to read the context of each of these for more insight into each promise. These are the concepts I think are most central:
The remnant:
- Refers to God's people - those who have chosen to follow Him
- Are called out and gathered by God from among the nations
- Return to God
- Depend on God in truth
- When faced with destruction will experience God's sustaining power to "overflow with righteousness" all circumstances in their lives.
- Travel the highway prepared for them
- Trust God completely
- Are not afraid
- Find their strength, song, and salvation in God
- Live joyfully in gratitude
- Become transformed until God is their beauty
- Are upheld daily by God
- Are carried by God throughout their lifetime
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Here - A wonderful place to be!
But honestly I've never asked God for my life. Not because I don't believe in prayer, but because I trust His brains over my own. Ultimately the life and death decisions are His alone anyway. I know my perception of 'what is grace' can be warped by my desire for comfort and my idea of happiness. So I do not wish to fight His wisdom. The mystery of why I am here and others like my dear sweet cousin Valerie are not, is far too heavy for my very human heart. It is not for me to understand or carry. As C.S. Lewis wrote, each of us are told only our own story.
My own story has had surprising turns this year and now I have arrived at the end of a chapter: Diagnosis, surgery, and chemo. A place that was once very hard to imagine. With my first clear CT scan behind me and no more chemo scheduled there is a new horizon. Uncharted discoveries within the realm of time. A journey to regain strength, discover purpose, and live new chapters.
My courage for the future stems from His provision in the past. And His provision has been miraculous! The miracles of the hospital forgiving my bill of over $100,000 from the hospitalization in January before I had insurance. The gifts of kind hearts who carried me in their prayers and gave generously to keep other medical bills out of collections. Whether I have needed a ride to an appointment, a book to read, vitamins, a song, a meal, or a hug - I have never once lacked! Thank you! My gratitude spills over!
Monday, July 11, 2011
When Divinity Storms
I remember rain.
Dark rain coursing down sad windows.
Sun sparkled rain tickling the surface of lake waters above.
Cold European drizzles on narrow cobblestone streets.
Dashing into steamy Brazilian torrents to snatch the laundry from the lines.
Sharing an umbrella while selling books of hope to strangers.
Puddle jumping and all out mud fights.
Rain drenched skin and the joy of living.
Both funerals and weddings christened with graceful rain.
And the hope in Christmas lights is never so poignantly clear as on a bitter and blustery winter day.
It has been said by art instructors that "The shadow is as important as the light." The truth of this in two dimensions is ever more evident in our multidimensional existence. How quick I am to forget. Our tangible surroundings are always holding hands with spiritual truths. The truth of recognizing the shadows of God.
The warrior David describes the dark majesty of God rescuing him in Psalm 18. This psalm is a hymn of gratefulness penned on the day that the Lord delivered him from all his enemies and from the hand of Saul. Perhaps this is a poetic rendition of a specific event where God used a literal storm to protect him from his enemies.
"He bowed down the heavens also, and came down with darkness under His feet.
And He rode upon a cherub and flew; He flew upon the wings of the wind.
He made darkness His secret place; His canopy around Him was dark waters and thick clouds of the skies. . . ." (vs. 9-11)
"He sent from above, He took me. He drew me out of many waters.
He also brought me out into a broad place, He delivered me because He delighted in me." (vs. 16, 19)
This is no pastel portrait of divinity on a sunny picnic. It is a rich word palate with all the colors of a storm. Ripped strength and raw energy pulse forward to culminate in a miraculous rescue. A reminder that God is not just present in serene pastures but also in the shadows of death. That God himself is a warrior fighting for the defense and justice of those who trust Him. The stalwart truth about God in storms.
My God is not a placid God. His storms have purpose. His shadows are strength.
And even if I am not the one to witness the rescue,
His gift of rain cycles on.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Detangler
1. Long walks to anywhere.
2. Writing.
It isn't my duty to provide the answers - God will do that in His time. My job is to patiently search and honestly ask the right questions. Here are some questions I penned this week:
God,
What is your will?
What is the regret index of life?
How am I to love with all my heart?
What enables one to live beyond the boundaries of Christian cliches?
How can I remain centered in the riptides of life?
Where does the line between doing my best and manipulation fall?
When is the appropriate time to speak?
What failures have distracted me from my life purpose?
Am I really trusting You?
Is anything obscuring my vision?
Am I being diligent today?
How can I build my endurance for the road ahead?
Am I choosing joy?
Can I remain graceful under the weight of silence?
What is balance?
How am I to live out hope?
Have I accepted Your acceptance?
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
When unwrapping joy. . .
Thursday, May 26, 2011
When Love sits on the ground. . .
Over my feet.
Steaming in the pan of water they are unlocking my tightness - all the way to my brain. Gently she lifts and dries them. A trust - for few people can touch my ticklish feet.
Cradling my foot against her knee she presses away the tension of lifeweight they carried all day. My toes nearly poking her neck. She doesn't mind. Her face is tilted gracefully - artist-like. As if she were playing a soulful cello line rather then restoring the soles of my feet.
And I, sitting up in this soft chair, am humbled deep by her nightly gift. The gift of humility. . . of communion. And in her hands, in her eyes - the resemblance of Christ.
Love lavished with no demand for returns lifts us into its purest realm.
For I do not yet have the strength to soak and massage her feet. And none of the disciples even thought to offer to rinse the Saviors tired, dirty feet after Love sat on the ground tending to their souls.
Endless and eternal lesson to learn!
I feel that I am only ever beginning - with tentative childish toes at edge of this vastness. My inner pride shrinking as the universe expanding makes room for love. And I am the "least of these" for someone in this intricate circle. A gift that is sometimes hard to accept. But it brings release and that same sense of smallness that comes from seeing a long ways off.
Beautiful. This unassuming way my God restores heart vision.
By Love bending low.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Life
Those are three wonderful words! Contented sigh . . .
It is Sabbath. And I have spent a leisurely morning reading long and slow from my bible and other inspirational selections. Soaking up the luxuries of quiet peace in my own nest. Grateful for His words and your words - all so gracious and undeserved.
